Why I Talk Like a Bartender, Part II
In which I explain why I’d rather say the f-word than the J-word...
Note: This is a continuation of “Why I Talk Like a Bartender, Part I” (duh) where I wrote about harshly judging Christians who swore, until I went to a five-month mission training program (a DTS with YWAM, FWIW) where I hung out with Christians from around the world and discovered how much of my scruples were culturally bound.
Growing up Pentecostal, it was common to hear testimonies from teenagers who were radically saved at church camp, giving up smoking and drinking on the spot and then burning all their secular music when they returned home. Sadly, I never had any secular music to burn. However, I now like to say that I returned from my DTS with a potty mouth and burned all my Christian music.
Slight exaggeration. I moreso started roasting Christian music (excluding Steve Taylor, et al.) and—thanks to BMG’s “12 CDs for the price of 1: Nothing More To Buy Ever!” racket—stocked my shelf with REM, The Cranberries, and Barenaked Ladies. And the potty mouth? At my DTS, I’d adopted the theological and philosophical position that swearing could be morally acceptable.
Yes, I was that rigid—I literally developed an argument for the morality of saying, “Shit!” before uttering the word. And I still hadn’t even touched a cigarette. But I did have my first beer a year before turning 21...in Canada...where the drinking age is 19. Pot was right out.
The theological argument for the moral acceptability of swearing
Wow, Josh, you even make swearing sound uncool.
The first point, as I said last week, is that words are not bad in and of themselves. Societies develop their own standards as to what words are lowbrow, uncouth, or unacceptable (and these standards can shift—the KJV uses the C-list vulgarity “piss,” but modern translations opt for urine).
One of my fellow students disagreed with me on this. In defense of the inherent “badness” of some words, he pointed out that only specific words were profanities. “I mean,” he said, “no one says, ‘Prostitute!’ when they stub their toe.”
Funny story. Our DTS’s outreach took us to Honduras, and the local missionary was giving me some hip Honduran slang to add to my limited Spanish (Spanish speakers: please forgive any errors in the following—this was a long time ago).
“...or you can say punta,” he said. “It means ‘point’ but kinda means ‘cool.’” Then he looked around and lowered his voice. “Just be very careful not to say, ‘puta.’ Means prostitute but is a really bad word in Spanish.”
Worried about screwing that up, I practiced under my breath, “Punta not puta, punta not puta, puta not punta...wait, which was bad?”
“On second thought, skip that one.”
Vastly more important to me than the cultural arguments were the Biblical ones. What does the Bible say about swearing? I dove in and kept finding that the standard arguments didn’t hold up to examination. Here are some of the most common anti-swearing passages.
“Do not swear at all.” –Jesus (Matthew 5:34)
This is the most easily answered objection, because it confuses the different meanings of “swear.” In English, the word has several definitions, most of which are basically about taking an oath or asserting veracity but also includes “using profane or obscene language.” However, in the original Greek (the language the New Testament was written in), omnuo only means to take an oath. This is how almost all modern Bibles translate Matthew 5:34. Ergo, this passage and others like it are not relevant to the issue of cursing.
Speaking of cursing, there’s this one:
Then began [Peter] to curse and to swear, saying, I know not the man. And immediately the cock crew (Matthew 26:74, KJV).
On more than one occasion, I’ve heard preachers explain that it was specifically Peter’s potty mouth that convinced everyone that he wasn’t a Jesus follower. Again, “cursing” can have that connotation in English but not the Greek (nor Old Testament’s original Hebrew). Cursing means to call down divine judgment and is a very Biblical practice.
As a segue, Peter’s cursing didn’t involve bad words, but did effectively violate the Third Commandment:
You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain, for the Lord will not hold him guiltless who takes his name in vain (Deuteronomy 5:11, ESV).
“In vain” means to misuse, to treat it as an empty thing. In all likelihood, Peter called on God to judge him if he were lying about knowing Jesus (he was). The sinfulness in Peter’s cursing was that he vainly invoked God. That, and the whole denying Jesus thing.
This, in my mind, is pretty straightforward. Taking God’s name in vain means using it without actually meaning it. But also invoking his name when doing something that’s blatantly contrary to his nature or will. Like those mofos who use their spiritual authority to manipulate the vulnerable into their beds.
But what is God’s name?
In the OT, it’s YHWH, a name treated with such sanctity that, to this day, Jews never speak it aloud, so we don’t actually know how it’s supposed to be pronounced. Then, in the NT, “the Word became flesh” and was given the name Jesus and bore the title Christ (i.e., Messiah).
Then there’s the word “god.”
This is where it gets a little more complicated and I know many will disagree with my take. God is not a name. It’s a general noun and I’m not convinced that saying “goddam” is using his name in vain. I don’t go around saying it, but more out of sensitivity than conviction. However, you won’t ever hear me say my Lord’s name or title in vain. Society may consider it a C-grade curse but, to me, it outranks the f-word because, you know, the Ten Commandments. By way of example, I once wrote a general market novel that didn’t shy away from f-bombs, asses, and shits. But there isn’t a single vain use of Jesus or Christ—not even in the mouth of the most pagan character. I just wasn’t okay with typing out my Savior’s name thusly.
Once again, I’ve gotten carried away with my word count and there’s still so much more to say about this, like the time the NIV (and just about every other modern translation) bleeped-out Jesus. Next week, then.
Josh
Note note: Since I am a bartender, I think it’s high time for me to pour you a drink, digitally speaking. Be on the lookout for Friday Happy Hours, beginning with the archetypal cocktail, the Old Fashioned—and the secret ingredient that makes or breaks it.
Your turn!
Do you think saying “God” breaks the Third Commandment? Do you care if it does? I trust you all to engage thoughtfully and disagree respectfully. You stay classy, Substack.
"God D*mnit" probably breaks the third. It's used in anger that's laced with a little arrogance. With that stated, it's unfortunate that I can't stop using it. Swear words don't bring any glory to God because of their cultural meanings. In Corinthians we are told to do everything for the glory of God. That's includes our speech patterns. Again, it's unfortunate that I have this struggle.